Pizza and Sauerkraut
by agent000
Summary: Edward discovers that weird food combinations can create even weirder side effects. Al discovers that his brother is just plain weird. Not like that's news.


_**The previous disclaimer ate Pop Rocks and soda and exploded. The next disclaimer ate Mentos and soda and exploded. The current one is drinking soda and muttering that I don't own FMA over and over again in the hopes that I don't give him anything strange with his soda.**_

Edward walked into the hall, and he fell through the floor. He didn't know why he fell through the floor, he just did. A trap door that hadn't been there before had simply opened up and dropped him through it.

He was met by a hissing voice that said, "Eeeeeeeedward Eeeeeeeeelric…" The voice was about to continue with what it was going to say, but Edward interrupted it.

"No, that's Edward Elric. Just one E for each of them."

"Just one?" the voice sounded disappointed.

"Yes, just one," said Edward. "If you're going to kill me, put a spell on me, or send me on some crazy mission that I'd rather not be on but have nothing better to do, then I'd rather you at least pronounce my name right."

"Ah," said the voice, "Then may we have your middle name too so we can pronounce your name with complete accuracy?"

"Nothing doing," said Ed, and dismissed them with a hand.

"Aw, why not?" Ed rolled his eyes at how pathetic the voice… voices… whatever it was, were being.

"Look, I don't give my middle name out to just anybody, and especially not to some random freaks who just pulled me in through a hole in my floor that wasn't supposed to be there in the first place!"

There was a moment of silence, and then, "It wasn't supposed to be there?"

Edward shook his head. "No, it wasn't supposed to be there."

Another moment of silence.

Then the thing spoke up again. "Can we pretend it was supposed to be there?"

"No." Ed glared into the darkness, even though he couldn't see whatever it was through it. "I just want to go back home, or wherever it was that I came from. I'm not pretending, sorry."

The thing spoke among itself for a few minutes. "Well, he did say sorry." "But we've got to get someone to go today." "We haven't met our quota yet." "There are plenty of people to meet our quota, so hush."

After they were done deliberating, the thing turned to Edward and said, "We will let you go, but on one condition."

Edward folded his arms. "And what's that?"

"The condition is that… you make a wish."

He raised his eyebrow. "Is that all?"

"That is all."

"You're mental."

"We are not!"

"That just reaffirms it. I know there's only one of you over there."

"There's only one of---aaah, there's only one of us! Why are there so many of us when there is only one of us? We must find the answer to this puzzle at once!"

Edward could hear the whatever-it-was retreating, and he cleared his throat. "Ahem, about that wish you promised me?"

"Oh, right. What do you wish for?"

"To go home?"

"Hmmm… okay, interesting wish." It then turned and walked off, leaving a completely perplexed Edward behind.

"Great, now how am I supposed to get home?"

Just then, Al showed up out of nowhere, wearing flashy pink wings and a big wand with a star on the end. "I'll get you home, Brother!" Without warning, Al swung the wand backward and brought it around to hit Edward squarely on the head. Need I say that Ed blacked out?

Edward woke up with a sore stomach in his own home, and he surveyed the landscape from his position on the floor. The pizza box was empty. That explained a few things. Al was sitting over on the couch, reading a magazine.

Edward pushed himself up from his position on the floor and said, "Al, take my advice, NEVER mix pizza with sauerkraut. The two do not go together."

"Why, are you a little queasy?"

"I think it's gone beyond that." Edward shook his head. "I think they're going to make that concoction illegal in a few years, once it catches on."

"What are you talking about?" said Al, naïve as usual.

Ed just came over to Al, smiled, patted his head, and then walked out of the room in a sort of uncertain way. Al watched as he left, and couldn't help but notice that his brother was walking in a similar way to how people who were high on drugs walked. He shrugged and went back to his reading. There were some things about his brother he preferred not to understand.

_**Well, there you have it, folks, a perfect explanation on why the abuse of pizza and sauerkraut is detrimental to one's physical and mental health. Physical because you will get very fat if you keep up that habit, and mental because, well... just because? Don't do pizza and sauerkraut! It's not cool, and it's not right. It will rot your brain and leave you a zombie the rest of your life.**_

_**What is cool though is that you read all that, and hopefully didn't take my last paragraph literally ((some of my readers would have. Scary, but true.)), and reading my profile to find my other stories. I'm writing more now, so hopefully I'll get some of those many unfinished stories finished, as well as rewriting some of the old ones since my writing skills are very different from how they used to be.**_

_**Anyway, thanks for reading, and see you soon on some other stories of mine! Enjoy, and have a nice day!  
**_


End file.
